Most Interesting Part of the Show Award:
Seeing Tatoo’s cooking notes on sauces: Kim Chi Vinaigrette? Thai Chili Aioli? Coconut Ranch? Why can’t he bring some of that interesting stuff to his actual dishes?

Best Product Placement Award:
T-Mobile: Do we really need a 5 sec shot of just the Sidekick while Hosea talks to his sister? Show me his tears instead!

Also, sick family member…on Christmas?!?!? Well, to be exact, on the Christmas episode. My guess is that little scene was saved just for this episode to add some more drama…and wait for it…who won? Oh yeah, Hosea.

TC Rule Violation Award:
If time is short (like in a “Quickfire”), don’t cook something that you know requires a lot of time: I believe the time limit was 45 mins. So Fabio cooks polenta and says that you’re supposed to stir it for an hour…ummm…ok, I know you don’t speak English, but the concept of time is universal. Or is Italy really that special?! And Tatoo cooks stew. His only comment: “Stew needs time.” We are working with geniuses here it seems.

And who do we find in the bottome 3, Fabio and Tatoo. I rest my case.

The “I’m Being Different So The Judges Should Give Me Extra Credit Even If My Dish Sucks” Award (or for future reference, the “Ostrich Egg Award”):

Chase wins this one. I think he even said that he’s going to continue to be different and “innovative” until he gets his just due from the judges. So he goes and cooks potato risotto. Fancy. Risotto is creamy rice with cheese, right? So potato risotto is…potatos au gratin? Sorry Chase, but if my girl Betty Crocker puts it in a box, its not really that innovative. Shout out to BC! I’ll have to talk to my mom about seeing if General Mills can get some product placement on TC. We haven’t seen them since the wedding cake fiasco in Season 1.

Future Throwdown Award:
Arianne vs. Jaime. It’s on! Can the producers be more obvious with the set up? The hometown, “simple” cooking of the self-concious Arianne who keeps whipping everones ass vs. the angry, bitter Jaime who thinks she should win everything, but is always second best? O…M…G! Just wait until the oven mitts come off.

MVP Award:
Grandma! Everyone used a recipe from Grandma for the Quickfire. Ohh…Christmas, Grandma, I’m feeling warm and fuzzy.

Best Guest Star Award:
Becky the Blond: Let’s have more of her awkwardly hitting on Hosea. Anything to ramp up the “sexual tension” between Hosea and the Colie look-a-like.

Most Boring Part of the Show Award:
Too many to count, but wow, this was sad. The food was so boring. TC really needs to give all the chefs a crash course in “theme interpretation.” All these literal interpretations are lame. I at least give credit to Chase for his weird leaping islands thing, even if his presentation, as usual, was questionable. Also, I guess Fabio gets points for his legs and eggs explanation. But even his charm is starting to wear thin. Also, TC, how do you have the 12 days of Christmas theme and only 11 chefs?

The Christmas Miracle Award:
Awww…Martha starts the show and everything looks cheery. Nice job with pairing Martha with the Christmas special. So Americana. And then there is the Christmas disaster…some PA sneaks into the TC kitchen at night and opens the fridge. And then the Christmast miracle…everyone pulls together to help out! Oh wait…Christmas disaster #2…the food is terrible! But wait, their is more…Christmas miracle #2! By the great spirit of Christmas summer, Tom spares them all and sets us up for the “back to basics” episode where the chefs realign their cooking chi and cook “their food.”

Oh well TC. Thanks for making me a little more jaded this Christmas season. I had higher hopes for you during this Christmas season. Let’s make a New Year’s resolution to get back to the bitchiness and throwing people under the bus. Stick with what works.