Did Ariane trick us all??? (Top Chef Episode 4 Summary)

Hi Everyone,

Elena’s back with another fantastic recap!  But first, I would like to take a moment to discuss Carla’s crazy bug eyes.  And by “discuss,” I mean show you a picture and then go directly to Elena’s recap.

Sorry to miss you all last week. The Foo Fighters on Top Chef… so not rock and roll. But Dave Grohl offered up this little gem: “You know it’s not even the taste, it’s the consistency. It’s one of those things you put in your mouth and you don’t know whether to chew or swallow.” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve experienced that at fancy restaurants, most recently with the tofu at Matsugen. In the end we learned that Ariane can actually cook (but remember even Wendy Pepper had that Banana Republic challenge) and said goodbye to the “Tom Colicchio is such a bear” half of Team Rainbow. I think it was really interesting to see that the dominant team didn’t crush the weak team cougar. Let’s see what this week brings.

It brings us Rocco! Last time Rocco was here, Top Chef banged Bertolli over our heads. After Fabio calls him a fake Italian, the chefs set off to cook an amuse bouche of breakfast. “I love bacon!” Rocco announces. “Everyone loves bacon,” answers Padma. It’s like they know that including bacon is one of the easiest ways to become a winner in Top Chef. If the cheftestants didn’t know that before, they should know now. Leah talks about trying to get the perfect bite – a little bit of all the components. I totally know what she means as that’s a sign of a great dish to me when you can taste all that stuff together. In the end, Daniel with his cornflakes and Fabio with his bacon-free breakfast are the only real failures. Leah wins her second quickfire with an actual amuse bouche that is only one bite, which as she snidely reminds the judges is the definition of amuse bouche.

And here we are to the challenge, which feels like it is the casting call for Next Food Network Star. I know that you want to have a high profile – but can you see Tom “I’m a bear” Colicchio doing a 2.5 minutes segment on some show? Leave that to the Giada’s of the world and let’s get them back to the real kitchen. After watching all these people go behind the fish counter I wonder how the Whole Foods Bowery is still open. The DOH is going to be all over that place. Oh and Alex picks dessert which means he didn’t read my post. Dessert does not give you a free pass. Often you end up on the bottom. Didn’t you hear them call out your team last week?

2.5 minutes is a long time if you’re going to speak. You don’t think so watching others but it is. Not all of the chefs are that charismatic. Some have some technical glitches (Jamie and her duck egg, the unset crème brulee), some have food that was too spicy (Melissa), and some seemed to pull it off. They want to go axe Leah, but she has immunity. The bottom 3 are super obvious, and in a stunning turnaround Ariane and “Chase” (who’s real name is Jeff) – people who have been in the bottom – are in the top 3, along with everyone’s favorite Italian Fabio. They go to judges table the next day, which seems like a surprise.

And we find out why – the “host” of the Today show is going to pick the winner. Are we going to see Matt? Meredith? Al “gastric bypass” Roker? Or are we going to get 4th hour of Today hosts? Did they film this ahead of time? NBC – let me know the logistics! It’s all of the women! How exciting! I’m being sarcastic. I hate the Today show. All of them. Kathie Lee, if you weren’t Frank Gifford’s wife, I think I would resent you for dissing “Chase” that way by spitting out his food. Haven’t you lived in NYC for the past couple of years? Don’t you want to be seen as with it? Ariane wins – which isn’t surprising that the housewife-mom is selected by the idolized housewife-moms of America. Her salad is both a cop-out and smart, considering that you only have 2.5 minutes. Congrats to her, after a few weeks of wondering how her restaurant is still open she gets to go off and promote it.  Even Zagat likes it:

Onto the losers… the night before we learn that Leah is so from New York. She’s counseling Melissa to fight and defend herself and she’s the only one who will. Can you get more NY than that? Melissa looks skeptical and tries to argue, but Jamie gets her defense out there – and is right. They try and make her seem Gorgon-like ala Lisa from last year, but she’s not. She’s not angry at the judges, she’s angry at herself. Alex makes a comment about how he doesn’t want to come up short and they pan to his pants – which are absurdly short. Seriously, how did the judges not snicker! In the middle of the commercial break between talking to the bottom 3 and announcing the loser, they show us more flirting between Leah and Hosea. Now they can’t hook up because Bravo doesn’t give its respondents STD tests. You also have a feeling that Real World/Road Rules/The Challenges don’t give STD tests either, but instead of protecting the participants, they fuel them with booze and dancing and embrace 3-somes. Ah Bravo – you do have classy reality TV! In the end Alex leaves, but we already knew that was going to happen since he’s the only one who violated a rule. If you’re like me, you don’t really care and are probably wondering who is going to be spreading the STDs when MTV to airs that other show to film in Brooklyn this summer.