Another rousing game of F***, Chuck, Marry with my beloved Barbara

Barbara: i’m trying to think of a good f*** chuck marry with joey chestnut in it
but drawing a blank
me: i’ve got one for you
joey chestnut, [redacted short friend of a friend], and [redacted blogging father of a community theater friend of mine from elementary school]
OMG how good have i gotten at this???
Barbara: OH EW
i cant believe you would put [redacted blogging father of a community theater friend of mine from elementary school] into the mix
that’s just WRONG
me: i thought that was good
really?
wrong?
Barbara: yeah
me: okay okay
joey chestnut, [redacted short friend of a friend], [redacted college friend]
Barbara: ew
i guess i’ll f*** joey, marry [redacted short friend of a friend] and chuck [redacted college friend]
you?
me: oh that’s rough
but i’d f*** [redacted short friend of a friend], chuck [redacted college friend], and marry joey
who wouldn’t want to be joey chestnut’s wife?
Barbara: um bc you’ll have to feed him
i’ll be broke
me: no, no, those are his professional expenses
a) tax write off
b) corporate sponsorship might cover training expenses
Barbara: yeah, but you still have to MAKE the food for him
me: says who?
i’m not cooking hundreds of hot dogs for anyone
Barbara: so you are going to hire someone to make the dogs then write off his salary in your taxes???
man, ingenious
me: and i’d be married to a professional athlete
who probably isn’t sleeping around
Barbara: ew, i bet chestnut has the worst gas though
all those hot dogs
and gallons of milk
me: well he doesn’t just eat hot dogs
Barbara: yeah, he eats wings
there isn’t a single veggie in his records
oh i take it back, asparagus